Dump: July Edition
July was either wet, cloudy or gloomy; always raining, about to rain or just finished raining, rinse and repeat. My mood and productivity level suffered a lot. I don’t enjoy rainy season. I feel like I can do without it; I acknowledge its importance and significance in Planet Earth and for Mother Nature. But just maybe if this season is a declared holiday and there’s no need to wash clothes or go out, I wouldn’t mind because I’ll be indoor and the rain outdoor; everyone on their lane but alas this isn’t the case because I have to go outside and I find it deeply stressful. On the flip side, this rain seems to be the only functional thing in this country wielding constant downpours and drizzles. A friend of mine said the rain is cleansing the land and you know what? I actually hope so because if I digress to Nigeria problems; we no go comot for here.
July was a rush; it came and left almost immediately. Like so soon?
Studying, procrastinating and studying again, with crippling and suffocating anxiety present; constant worry about failing and wasting all this money spent then also immediately rejecting these thoughts, beating my chest and saying I am a stranger to failure. Amen!
Embracing peace without realizing; listening to my favorite songs, moving my body and singing at the top of my voice. It was rediscovering a lost favorite “Push back” by Ne-Yo, Bebe Rexha & Stefflon Don and being excited at the first play; I had the song on repeat till I got to my bus stop. I really enjoy music but I don’t particularly have a favorite genre; I like what I like. I recently started rediscovering old songs I lost and it has been super exciting, like a treasure hunt of memories. I connect music to people, places and times in my life; Simi & Falz “Chemistry” will always take me back to my first weeks in university, the nostalgia so real and sweet I can’t fully describe; Chainsmokers & Halsey “Closer” reminds me of what life felt like in 2017 and I just want to wrap myself and stay there; while Nasty C ft Rowlene “SMA” is attached to my first days in business school (I had this song on play for the longest time). Well, I’m still on my hunt; catch me grinning and feeling so excited anytime I unearth a new treasure.
July was wishing I had a car because the Nigerian transportation system and its inconsistency is very terrible and stressful. There were free rides, here and there which I absolutely love and pray they don’t stop (shoutout to my uncle). I found myself crossing a highway twice because the insensitive government we have banned Keke from my office route without making any alternative provision. The ghetto. Later that week, Keke resurfaced and I was so happy; you’d think I won a lottery.
Staying in the place of devotion and study, almost consistently; that’s a win. Telling God, I’m here use me. Paying a surprise visit home and being wholly and truly pleased, had the best banter with my family as always. I hold this memory too close.
July was buying an overpriced chewing gum and having long ass phone conversations with my best friend about everything and nothing. Dragging myself to work and life activities in general; giving up, motivating myself and giving up again. Abandoning projects and feeling really guilty about being a low achiever and trying to shake off this feeling by telling myself we go again. It was also sleeping for hours like I don’t have a mountain to conquer soon, then waking up and being displeased with myself for oversleeping and my alarm for not being loud enough (above all I blame this weather).
My account got freezed and I had a deadline to meet.
Discovering that I don’t know how to immerse myself in solitude because once I’m alone, all I was to do is sleep. I sometimes wonder what living on my own will feel like besides the expenses that comes with it though. I want that silence and control, all of it.
July was watching Tobi Amusan’s videos over and over and getting really motivated I told myself, you actually have no reason to fail. It was making a huge purchase and watching my savings tumble back to square one (just kidding). It had small investments and plans for bigger ones. Looking forward to BBN and getting super confused and stressed about the fact that there are separate houses but now I get it. Twists and whatever. It was moving on from BBN and back to my books because BBN will be okay but I will not, if I don’t study (I lied because I still peep once in a while but that’s okay, talk about all work and no play making Jack something).
Planning to write consistently and failing woefully; the words disappearing immediately I open my notes. I also read quite a number of posts on medium and loved them.
I told my friends, I pray we eventually get a Nigeria that works and they rolled their eyes in japaism.
The naira kept falling and refused to buga.
July was Spectranet frustrating my life on a daily and causing me to wonder what actually works in this country even with money you paid. Mostly nothing!
Bread almost close to 1k per loaf. Someone on the internet said its we that is looking for fortunate bread. Scream!
Playing table talk with John and having such a good time; John has plenty stories and now I want to play table talks with all my friends lets be having deep conversations.
Basically trying to live, push through and wing this adulting thing as always; playing records on my phone in the morning, afternoon, evening or whenever and I imagine my life is a movie and the music playing, the soundtrack; not interrupting the present but still present. Loading ice into my iced tea then wearing socks, cardigan, taking TomTom and Vitamin C and bathing scalding hot water. A proactive queen, you should stan not judge.
July was deciding to write this really short recap because the words chose to stay this time.
© Osinimu
